If you ever go through a break up that you really didn’t want to happen, or you were the one doing the break up only to realize that your One Truly got away—then it can turn a girl's mind into a frenzy. She’ll text her ex all the time, finds clever ways to bump into him, while “accidentally” looking beyond gorgeous in a skimpy dress and heels (even at church!), and she gets drunk just to drop him a pleading, brave message urging him to be hers again. An ex is an ex for a reason—but unfortunately, not everyone gets the memo on that. If you’re going through a break up now, have a friend going through it, or just want some lovely tips for the future. Then read on and understand how to avoid being the little, miss crazy ex-girlfriend.

Don’t text him:
 
I tell this to all my friends—if you have a recent ex boyfriend—don’t text him! If you actually want the relationship to work out again, the worst thing that you can do is try to be in contact with him non-stop. You need to cut off all contact and give him a chance to miss you. If you just drop off the face of the earth, he’ll become curious as to why you haven’t even offered up a breakup etiquette friendly hello. So from now on, give your thumbs a break, maybe even delete his number out of your phone and do not, I repeat, do not, give into texting him.

Don’t seem desperate: 
 
No one wants a girl who’s nothing but a pity-party. If you’re in contact with him and try to make it seem like your life is nothing, you’re depressed without him, yadda yadda yadda… stop right there! What is attractive about that sentence? Nothing. Instead of moping around, waiting for him to suddenly realize that you two are meant to be—get out in life and start moving on if you can. Do things that will benefit you. Once you get your life together, you’ll not only appear more attractive in his eyes but you’ll start to realize that since you were fine before you met him, you can still be fine even when he’s gone.


Don’t try to make him jealous: 
 
If you think that posting a bunch of Facebook pictures of you and other guys will have him running back to you on his knees pleading, you’re wrong. By texting him saying that a guy just hit on you, or showing up someplace with a hot guy because you know he’ll be there, you’re only going to make a fool out of yourself. If you really are serious about wanting to get back together with him, then you need to just stop all the games.

Don’t get drunk and carry your phone around you: 
So you’re headed to a party where you plan on getting completely trashed. Upon drinking, all you can think about is the moment where you drunk text him and not feel guilty for saying the most pathetic, obscene things. First rule of drunk ex texting? Step. Away. From. The. Phone. How do you think he’ll react by getting a slurred message where it seems like he can inhale the alcohol right from your text? If you’re going out with your friends to drink, give them your phone to hold on to, or better yet, leave it at home. Go out and enjoy your night, meet new people, and stop obsessing about whether or not he replied. All he’s going to do is drive you insane by ignoring you and leaving you hanging. Understand that he’s clearly playing with your mind.

Find someone better: 
Once you find the right guy who exceeds all that he ever did, you’ll begin to realize your ex’s annoying flaws and understand that you were clearly blind before, but now, with the right guy, you can see.



But hey, if crazy is your thing, then here are some sure-fire ways to get this poor guy scared and a second away from an issuing out a restraining order on you:

1.) Call him every five minutes, if he answers, breath very heavily and then hang up.


2.) Walk your dog by his house every night at the same time. If he ever comes out, look surprised, blurt out a sudden “hi!” and run away.


3.) Add all his friends and family members on Facebook. Find a family picture of them, photo shop yourself into the photo and post it as your profile picture
.

4.) Watch the video “Stuck like glue,” by Sugarland. You’re bound to get some awesome tips.


5.) Remember how in “How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days,” Andy created her very own family album for her and Ben? Do the exact same with your future children yodeling in Switzerland and all.

6.) When he goes on a date, find a way to be there… at all times. If they’re at a movie, dress up in disguise and sit behind them. Every time one of them tries to make a move, put your feet up on their chair and “accidentally” stop them from ever embracing. And when they go in for the good night kiss, run by suddenly, yelling out, “He has aids!”

7.) Send him some really, really bad poetry.

By Sarah Kester | Photo: deviantart.com